


Ultimatum

by kjavdekar



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Babies, Cheating, Confessions, Forgiveness, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Sorry, Lies, M/M, Protectiveness, Secrets, Truth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-30 12:43:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8533546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjavdekar/pseuds/kjavdekar
Summary: I hate what the writers did so I wrote this.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Yesterday's episode fucked me up so I wrote this. 3x08
> 
> This is what I feel their conversation should go like.... 
> 
> Enjoy. Feel free to leave comments. 
> 
> I'm so sorry the writers did this.

“Annalise didn’t tell me because it’s Connor right? Please just tell me Bonnie. Is-is it Connor?”

He cried reaching for his phone. But he couldn’t even wait to hear the response

_Pick up Connor, Please pick up_

“This is Connor, Text me”

“Connor-Please call me back. Something has happened, and I-just need to hear your voice. OK. Bye”

Oliver waits a minute before calling again “Hey, sorry to call again but I just really need you to call me back. It’s a matter of life and death. K. Please Connor”

Minutes go by and he still doesn’t get a call. Oliver is beside himself, he can’t help but call again “Connor, please. I-I really need to hear your voice. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry about what I said-please call me”

He hangs up for the 3rd time only to call again

“Con-I-I love you and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I called you damaged. Please-forgive me. Please. Just call me back-I understand if you hate me right now but just let me know you’re okay and I won’t bother you. Just-let me know you’re not….dead” he choked out

His breathing was ragged, he had lost all sensation in his fingers as he clutched the phone for dear life. The thought of Connor being dead was too much for him to bear. He had to find out for himself

“Michaela give me your keys!”

“What why?”

“Just please, I need to see if Connor’s at your apartment”

“But we just-”

“Michaela!” he shouts pushing his hand forward in a desperate attempt to hurry this along

She yanks the keys out of her pocket and hands them to Oliver seconds before he bolts out the door.

 -----------

 Oliver should have been pulled over for how many laws he broke trying to get to Michaela’s apartment. He parked the car and ran towards the door. He knocked on the door _hoping-praying_ Connor would answer.

Michaela’s mom answered the door “Um hi can I help you?”

“Is Connor here? Please tell me he’s here” Oliver chokes out in tears

“Are you Oliver?” she asks

“Yea-how did you know?”

“He’s been in the shower crying your name”

“He-he’s okay?” He asks in relief

“I guess” she says opening the door and letting him in.

Oliver B lines it to the bathroom and doesn’t even bother to knock

“Connor-Connor can you come out” he cries

“Oliver?”

“Connor just get out here please”

The younger man turns off the shower and steps out with a towel wrapped around his waist, utterly confused. “Oliver-Oliver what’s wrong?”

But Oliver slams his body into Connor’s backing him against the wall and holding onto him for dear life. “I-I’m just so glad you’re okay. I thought you were dead-Connor I-I never meant to-I'm so sorry-baby-I-he sobs into the younger mans shoulder

Connor doesn’t know what to say. He can’t bring himself to hug the older man back. He can’t bring himself to let Oliver in. Not after what he did. He just lets the older man hold him.

“I’m fine Oliver. I’m sorry I didn’t call you back I-”

“It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. I’m just so glad you’re okay.Please, please say you’ll forgive me-I-I can't live without you, Connor, I didn’t mean what I said-”

Connor pushes him away and stares him dead in the eyes “Yes you did. You meant it-I could tell by the look in your eyes Ollie, and the worst part, is that you’re right. I am damaged”

Oliver looks up into Connor’s eyes and sees a broken man. “You’re not Con-” Oliver leans in to hold him again but Connor holds out his hand keeping their distance

“Please don’t. I don't deserve it. I am damaged Oliver. I know I am. You were right, you were my security blanket that helped me separate from the world because being with you-loving you made me forget how broken I was. Y-you made me forget that I’m not worth loving because you loved me so much. You-”

Oliver couldn’t stop the tears from falling as he clings onto his coat and he falls to his knees “You’re not Connor. You’re not damaged. Please, please don’t think that. I never meant it-any of it. I know you love me I just wanted you to let me in. I wanted you to trust me-Just-please forgive me, I love you Connor, I-”

“No, you can’t-you can’t love me Oliver”

Oliver looks taken aback “What-why?”

“Because I slept with Thomas-”

Oliver felt his heart shatter into a million pieces “Y-you what?”

“I slept with Thomas.” He says again but just continues to explain himself like he knew Oliver’s next question.

"When?" he spits 

"L-last night" he whispers completely ashamed 

Oliver can feel the tears burning his eyes "W-why Connor?

Connor shrugged there wasn't a single reason he could justify the slimy thing he did but he told him the truth “I was pissed that you saw me as damaged, I was hurt and upset so I cheated on you again-with someone who didn’t want you. He cried. I know I’m a terrible person Oliver. So of course I don’t hate you but you should hate me. Hate me because I am so far past damaged that no one can ever love me so stop saying that you love me. I’m not worth loving, not after what I did-you deserve better than this-better than me, so just stop”

Oliver hesitates momentarily feeling like he might fall over from the weight of his heart but he rises to his feet “You’re right”

Connor looks down waiting for Oliver to find the words to hurt him. Hurt him in a way he couldn’t possibly hurt himself but words he deserves to hear because he threw away the best thing he ever had _-again_ the minute he sought revenge

“You’re right he whispers. You are damaged Connor. But not because of Annalise or me or anybody else, you're damaged because you don’t know how to let people in.”

Connor looks up surprised “What?”

“I hate you for sleeping with Thomas Connor. I hate you so much. But I also feel sorry for you. Sorry that you don’t feel like anyone could love you, because I did. I loved you with everything inside me and you pushed me away because you didn’t think we were good enough-

“That's not it. I-”

“Save it Connor. I really don't care”

“Ollie please”

“Don't. Just don’t. Nothing you can say will help. The truth is you didn't think I was worth telling the truth to- and that Connor, hurts more than what you did with Thomas. Knowing that I was never worth the truth”

“Oliver” he stammers pulling at his arm

“Let go” he growls

“Ollie-”

Oliver's eyes dart from side to side on the floor but he's powerless to do anything “What?” He mumbles completely defeated

“I kept you from the truth because I’m not good enough Oliver. Not for you, not for my family, not for anyone. I’m broken and undeserving and I’m sorry. I am so sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I slept with him and I can’t even ask for your forgiveness because I don’t deserve it. You were always too good for me and I’m just glad you finally believe me” he chokes out as he tries to leave the bathroom

“I never said that” he whispers pulling Connor back

“You didn’t have to” he screams "I'm a fucked up person Oliver and I never really believed it until you said it-said the one thing I always knew you believed. And now you have and you don't even need to take it back because I deserve it-"

"Connor, I-"

"it's fine. He utters. It's really fine-just let me go,please Oliver. Let me go-"

“Stop it” Oliver growls “Stop blaming yourself. Yes, you did a rotten thing Connor but I’m no better. He admits. I came back to you when Thomas rejected me because I knew you wouldn’t say no. Because I knew how much you loved me and I took advantage of that-I used you Connor and I have to live with that every single day. Live with the fact that I broke your heart and when I needed you I knew you would be there-” he cries 

“I let you take advantage Oliver. You can’t blame yourself for that. I could have said no but I was selfish too. I couldn't see you broken, I couldn't see how hurt you were because someone didn't want you. Because I always wanted you Ollie-I always needed you-”

“And now I'm telling you that I need you. He retorts. I need you so much that I forgive you."

"You can't forgive me for this Oliver. Y-you just can't. It's too much to forgive. I-I don't even deserve to breath your air-and you forgiving me just proves once again that you're too good for me. I'm so sorry, Ollie-how could I do that-how-" he choked out nearly in a panicked state. 

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do Connor. He whispers softly. I am saying I forgive you but on one condition"

Connor shivers at the thought of Oliver's condition but he looks up into his eyes 

"Use me, Con. Use me like I used you-let me share this burden with you. Whatever you are hiding from me and tell me the truth”

Connor gasps in shock "Oliver, please. Anything but that. I-I'll do anything-anything. Just don't ask me to tell you-please" he shrieks as his heart beats faster and faster, so loud that he's afraid it will jump out of his chest 

"I'm sorry but thats what I want. You want me to forgive you for breaking my heart again-then tell me"

“I can’t Ollie-I’m doing it to-”

“What protect me? He enraged. God Connor I’m so tired of that **_fucking_ ** excuse. You are so afraid of what I might find out that you’re afraid to be honest with me. You want me to forgive you Con? Then tell me the truth or-or we’re done”

“Ollie-”

“No Connor, I can't even look at your right now. That's how furious I am. I love you so fucking much it hurts me. It hurts me because you don’t tell me things. You don’t let me in like I let you in- you run away and you hide because you’re afraid that I won’t like what I see. I won’t love a man who is vulnerable and who needs me and you say you’re doing it to protect me but what about me protecting you? I love you Connor. And If you'll let me I want to love all of you. I just need to know you are in this, all of it. We can’t keep secrets-not if we want this to work-out. So I’m asking you one last time to tell me. Tell me what you’re so afraid of me finding out-this big, huge thing that is so horrible you can't -”

“I helped cover up Sam’s murder.” he blurts out

Oliver stilled “You-what?” he asks, eyes wide and mouth open

“I helped bury the body and then I lied to cover it up”

“You-you killed someone?!” he shouts

“No! Of course not, but I helped get rid of the body and I lied to the police about it.”

"Who told you to cover it up-"

"Annalise, she-she said she would protect us Ollie. But it's just more lies and secrets and I can't do it anymore-I"

Oliver is beside himself. On the one hand he's happy that Connor was finally honest with him but on the other murder he thought. His voice was lost as he tried to think back to all the times Connor said he was keeping him in the dark to protect him. How he always said he could go to jail for it. It all made sense now he thought, all the lies and secrets.... “Just one murder?” he whispered

“Seriously? That’s your question after I just told you I covered up a murder” he cries nearly trembling 

“Answer the question _dammit_ ”

“No Sinclair too. The lady that was representing Nate when Annalise framed him for Sam”

"She framed her boyfriend for her husband's murder?" he asks in shock

"Fucked up right?" he agrees

Oh _fuck_. Oliver thought. Not only am I dating an accessory to murder, now there are multiple murders. But he figured this was the best time to get Connor to come clean about everything so he presses “Is that all?” he stammers

“We also framed Caleb and this is why I-I never wanted to tell you because I didn’t want you to be an accomplice. Y-you’re so pure Ollie and I didn’t want to drag you into this. You didn’t deserve to keep this burden. You don’t deserve to have restless nights and nightmares every day wondering when you are going to get caught. You-you aren’t damaged Oliver. I am.”

Oliver gripped the sink to keep from falling backwards. His mouth went dry and his skin pale, he didn’t have a voice left. He wished he could have been more surprised by the reveal but if there was one thing he learned since he began working for Annalise was that nothing was off the table. He wanted to be more angry at Connor, not for what he did but for it telling him. For letting himself carry this around all by himself 

He stared down at the floor trying to find the words to say. 

“Oliver?” Connor speaks softly “If you want me to go I understand-I”

“No please don’t” he whispers like a reflex. 

Connor is doing everything he can not to fall apart-not to lean on Oliver. He crumbles to the ground shaking, panicking, fighting for breath

Oliver pulls Connor towards him and holds him close "Shh-hey-it's okay, I'm here-it's alright-everything is going to be alright"

"How can you say that Ollie-do you have any idea how bad this is"

"Of course I know! I'm not stupid Connor but I-I can't let you face this alone-"

“Oliver, I-”

“I know what you did Connor. I know and I don’t care. I wish I was more shocked by this or that I could tell you to leave but I-I can't-" he cries

“But you should care Oliver! You should because now I’ve ruined you. I ruined the most beautiful thing in my life- _god I’m such scum._ I hate myself. As much as you hate me right now, I hate myself more. I didn’t want this, I didn’t want to involve you and I tried to stay away but I couldn’t. I couldn’t because I fell in love with you Ollie-and-I couldn’t lose you." he weeps

I needed you because I was selfish-I still am. I’m still being selfish telling you this just so you’ll stay. And part of me wishes we never met and that you’d be better off without me but god Ollie, I’m just nothing without you-I”

Oliver tugs on Connor’s shirt and pulls him to his embrace. He buries his head in the younger man’s hair and sobs, silent at first but then loud and uncontrollable.

“Please stop” he sobs

“But I-”

“Connor stop. I don’t hate you, ok? I wish that I did. I wish that I could walk away from this. From you, but the truth is that I can’t. I never could since the first time you told me you loved me. Because, even when I knew you were hiding something I felt the need to protect you. Protect you from whatever mess you had gotten yourself into no matter what it was. ”

Connor tugs on Oliver’s waist pulling him deeper into him

“When I took away Stanford from you-you didn’t even hesitate to forgive me and I thought I broke you. So I broke up with you so you could move on. I tried. I tried as hard as I could to let you move on. Not because I didn’t love you, but the opposite. I’m in love with you Connor. And that love blinds me, it blinds me from seeing anything but you. That’s why I deleted Stanford that's why I started working for Annalise-to protect you. I-I can’t live without you. So please- _please_  don't make me-” he sobs

"Okay-" he whispers. He never thought in a million years Oliver would react this way. Let alone help him but for the first time he felt like maybe he won't be so damaged from now on. He clears his throat and says it again "Okay-" as he crumbles into Oliver's shoulder. 

Oliver stills for a moment before whispering "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry baby-I'm sorry I took Stanford away from you, I'm sorry I made you tell me all this just to re-live...I'm just-" he sobs. 

Connor sighs pulling Oliver even closer to him. Skin on skin no room for air. "It's okay Ollie-I'm sorry too"

They hold each other for moments longer until Oliver says what they are both thinking “We're broken Connor, we can’t see past our love for each other and that-that isn’t okay. He breaks. If we forgive each other for such horrible things-what does that say about us?"

Connor just stared at the floor "That we love each other too much to give up?"

A small smile sweeps Oliver's face "Yes we do but at what point does it become a sickness Con-We’re _both_ damaged and it isn’t healthy”

“I know” he admits

“So what do we do?” Oliver asks

“We start with no more lies” he offers

“Deal.”

 

_FINIS._


End file.
